About Me

I'm middle aged. I've always been ambivalent about living but I went along and did my best, which, it turns out, was a dismal endeavor. I'm not one of those people who needed to almost die in a plane crash to wake up and smell life's coffee; I've always loved being here, just never liked the 'here' very much. I noticed a lump in my groin about a year ago. I don't have a doctor, of course no insurance, and because I can't seem to make a dent on earth I've wondered if I shouldn't just let nature take its course. We don't all get to live. I wanted a life of quality over quantity, but there are so many things here I love like I can't even tell you. In the last month my health has changed dramatically. I'm struggling. I'm scared shitless. I don't know what to do, and I have no one to talk to, so I thought this might help temper my growing anxiety. I have no idea where this is going. I just need to do it.