Then I went onto my city's website to see what my options were in regards to dealing with the still present, often persistent, as yet untreated lump.  It turns out there are no options.

So this leaves me with the free clinic.  I was hoping to avoid this last resort because it's not near me and without the bike getting around has been less self-sufficient, and this alone is making me crazy.  Also, it's the free clinic; that this is what my life has come to depresses the hell out of me.  So after sitting on my fridge for over a month I finally called the number.  But there were no appointments available for another month so I called a month later ... and there are no appointments for another month. 

Alan who lives in his car told me I can go at like 6 in the morning and wait in a line for them to open and maybe then I could get in without an appointment.  Truth is, no way.

Well, truth is...I'm so nuts at this point there's no way I can handle it.  My bowels are screwed up, my anxiety is out of control, panic attacks, claustrophobia, diarrhea...no, dying is a much better option to standing on line.  So I will try again next month. 

However, this is very important:  I discovered last week that if I eat chicken and then fart, the fart smells exactly like the chicken.  Not chicken + fart, not chicken-scented fart, no; exactly like the chicken itself.  Amazing!